Perfect
by Hearts Desire
Summary: Song-fic. Song by Simple Plan. Jeff trys to deal with the pressure of having a "perfect" brother


A/N- I was watching the music video for this and the idea just popped in my head! It's crazy, crazy I tell you! I'm dumb, yes. Anyways, I hope you like it, I've never really done a fic like this, and I'm proud, so I hope you guys like it, too!  
  
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Perfect  
  
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*~*  
  
Hey [dad] look at me   
  
Think back and talk to me  
  
Did I grow up according to plan?  
  
*~*  
  
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You always were the one who was best at anything. You were the star of the football, basketball, AND baseball teams. You had the best grades. You even were nominated for that...special award thingy. See? I can't even remember what that is called and it's the biggest scholarship in all of North Carolina! Dad always said that he wished I'd be more like you.  
  
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*~*  
  
And do you think I'm wasting my time  
  
Doing things I wanna do   
  
But it hurts when you disapprove all along  
  
*~*  
  
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You were always the one who spent their time doing "useful" things. Studying, volunteering, helping dad. All those things that dad would approve of. And he did, of course. Sure, dad was glad to see that I was working and maintaining a healthy body, but that cut in to my school work, and that pissed him off. He even told me that I would have to cut down on training if my grades didn't get better. I don't see why, really. My grades were never good. Dad had a big thing for grades, just like you. And you worked for them and that made dad happy.  
  
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*~*  
  
And now I try hard to make it   
  
I just wanna make you proud   
  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
  
I can't pretend that I'm alright  
  
*~*  
  
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Dad was never the one who thought that I would make a decent living of myself. He hasn't said it to me, but I bet he has to you. Do either of you know that the only reason I work as hard as I do, the only reason I put my body on the line every night is because I want to show you I can do things and to make you.....To make you proud of me. But that won't be enough, will it? Matt'll always be the best, I'll only be second best.  
  
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*~*  
  
And you cant change me  
  
'Cause we lost it all  
  
Nothing last forever   
  
I'm sorry I cant be perfect  
  
now its just too late  
  
and we cant go back   
  
i'm sorry i cant be perfect  
  
*~*  
  
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I remember when you found out that you didn't get that special scholarship. It was a Saturday night, I remember because Shannon and I were watching ShotGun Saturday Night in the living room. You were so excited when you got home from practice and you saw that letter on the counter. You really wanted to open it, but you waited for dad to get home. So the both of you could revel in the excitement together, I guess. When you found out that you didn't get it, you locked yourself in your room. Later that night, Dad took you out to dinner and for ice cream to cheer you up.  
  
He never did that for me. Not when my football team lost the championship by one point. Not when I found out I couldn't play baseball any more. Not when I got and broke up with my first girlfriend. Not when Shannon and I fight. I guess that's the way it is, though.  
  
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*~*  
  
i try not to think  
  
bout the pain i feel inside  
  
did u know u used to be my hero  
  
and all the days u spent with me  
  
now seems so far away  
  
*~*  
  
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But I can't be Matt, can I? I wanted to. I really did. I used to want to be just like Matt. Follow him and do everything that he does. I joined all the same things he did. When Matt wanted to teach me to wrestle, I wanted to teach someone exactly what Matt taught me. Thus I turned around and taught Shannon. When Matt decided he wanted to go to UNC for college, I decided I wanted to do the same thing. I can still remember how hard you and Daddy laughed when I said that.  
  
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*~*  
  
and it feels like u dont care anymore  
  
and now i try hard to make it  
  
i just wanna make u proud   
  
i'm never gonna be good enough for u  
  
i cant stand another fight  
  
*~*  
  
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When I tried to talk to Matt about it, he completly took it the wrong way and screamed at me half the night. He told me that I was jealous and only wanted the spotlight on myself. Dad heard the screaming and came up after us. Then he took it the wrong way and yelled at me for getting in the way of my brother's studying. I....said something wrong...and then I got a lashing. No one would talk to be for two whole days. That was the worst.  
  
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*~*  
  
and nothings alright  
  
cuz we lost it all  
  
nothing last forever   
  
i'm sorry i cant be perfect  
  
now its just too late  
  
and we cant go back  
  
i'm sorry i cant be perfect  
  
*~*  
  
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Y'know, I always tried to be what you wanted. Even when I stopped trying and was myself, you still didn't agree to what I did. I work my ass off all the time on whatever I do, but I guess that's just not enough.  
  
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*~*  
  
nothings gonna change the things that u said  
  
nothings gonna make things right again  
  
please dont turn ur back i cant believe its hard just talk to u   
  
but u dont understand  
  
*~*  
  
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Shannon told me once that "People only try to put others down when they feel they have something wrong with themselves. If you aren't happy with yourself, no one else will be." Well, guess what, Shann, I'm not happy with myself. They aren't happy with me either. Never have been, It seems. But, you know, thinking back on your words again, maybe thereis something about themselves that they don't like. Maybe, just maybe, there is a little of me in there. Who knows.  
  
I have a couple friends who see me and love me for who I am. Adam, Jay, Shannon... But all I ever really wanted was for Matt and Daddy to feel the same way......  
  
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*~*  
  
'Cause we lost it all   
  
Nothing last forever  
  
I'm sorry I cant be perfect  
  
Now its just too late  
  
And we cant go back  
  
I'm sorry I cant be perfect  
  
'Cause we lost it all  
  
Nothing last forever  
  
I'm sorry I cant be perfect  
  
Now its just too late  
  
And we cant go back  
  
I'm sorry I cant be perfect 


End file.
